Thursday, May 07, 2009
♥ 5:24 PM
The Snake
Boy, did i have the weirdest dream last night. I was dreaming of Snakes.. I was too afraid to get close to them and all of the sudden i got bitten.Wierdest thing is that this snake is "Albino". lol.. Anyway so i was really bothered by my dream i looked it up for its meaning. and here what it says...
Snake
To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes.
WoW! i was surprised about what it meant. Because for some reason it could be true. I have been having this feeling of fear of commitment, intamacy, even sex with anyone. Knowing that chances are...i could get HURT AGAIN.But then it also symbolizes temptation dangerous and forbidden sexuality. I couldnt help but wonder... is my dream symbolizing CHOCOLATE? yes hes been calling and asking me to see him again. and i will admit.. YES!!!I have slept with him last week....and this might as call the FORBIDDEN SEX.. Since ive slept with him. i had this fear of sex again because hes TAKEN..hes no longer SINGLE. and i dont know why someone whos CALLOUS,RUTHLESS, AND UNTRUSTED PERSON is soo hard to resist. and for the second time... are we doin this again? How can it seem soo good when you know its WRONG...
IM an AWFUL PERSON for i have fallen for someone whose heart already belongs to SOMEONE...
=(
xoxo-bebe-sephora-xoxo.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
♥ 2:15 PM
Bein EMPTY..
im really upset and sad.. ;( i feel like crying, screaming and just be alone cry all day long. Is it too much to ask for RESPECT and LOVE? i feel like NOTHING. I feel NOTHING even though i have been TOO MUCH and receiving TOO MUCH. I dont FEEL ALIVE anymore. Sometimes, i feel like im DEAD right now im just thinking that this is my AFTER DEATH. I keep thinkin about that ive been dead for quite some time now. NO ONE even knows me NO one even CARES about me and most of all NO one even SEE ME. is it too much to ask for someone whos goin TO CARE for me for once. SOMEONE that will LOVE ME enough to CARE about me. I feel so EMPTY and SAD that im LONELY that theres nobody noone SPECIAL SOMEONE in my life that would EVEN CARE to greet me GOOD MORNING or CARE ABOUT ME.and i HATE myself for overreacting about this. NO JOC, NO CHOCOLATE and recently NO ERIC. why is it so hard to find someone that will be MR. RIGHT or better yet Mr. PERFECT. today is CHOCOLATE's gf bday and i dont know what to feel. I feel really EMPTY.. like NOTHING!!! NOTHING to feel but HURT and PAIN for bein so ALONE and LONELY...
my problem is? here... " The man i love has a gf and he chose her over me..." i feel EMPTY...
xoxo-bebe-sephora-xoxo.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
♥ 10:09 PM
The Truth Is...
Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
Talked for awhile,asked him how he's been,Said that he was seeing somebody and, Told me this was gonna last Showing me her photograph
All the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way i felt
But I was thinking to myself
Truth is I never got over you
Truth is Wish I was standing in her shoes
Truth is and when it's all said and done,
Guess I'm still In love with you
Truth is I never should have let you go
Truth is and it's killing me cause, now I know
Truth is and when it's all said and done,
Guess I'm still In love with you
We reminisce on the way things used to be
Shared a couple laughs, and some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad
Then he said good-bye and he paid for brunch
Promised that we'd always keep in touch
Grabbed my bags and grabbed my thoughts
Walked away and that was that
all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
Truth is I never got over you
Truth is wish I was standing in her shoes
Truth is and when it's all said and done,
Guess I'm still In love with you
Truth is I never should have let you go
Truth is and it's killing me cuz now I know
Truth is and when it's all said and done,
Guess I'm still In love with you
Now the truth is, it hurts
But I know that the fault's mine
Cause I let him go
Tried to get over it,
but it's messing with my mind(because I know)
I just gotta be honest, I guess
I-I guess, I'm still in love, in love, in love ooohh
xoxo-bebe-sephora-xoxo.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
♥ 7:31 PM
The One Who Got Away
So after all considering of CHOCOLATE's offer to "MEET HIM FOR A DRINK"...I decided that i SHOULD.and IM SORRY..but i saw him again.. and the weirdest thing is that...i could actually say this with all my heart.. I AM TOTALLY NOT INLOVE with HIM anymore not just yesterday but also NEVER AGAIN. Its weird that i now have this CONFIDENCE to actually say that. How'd i FOUND out? Well when i saw him and talked for hours... HE KISSED ME.. and ITS just WEIRD that for the FIRST TIME that he KISSED ME again. I didnt FEEL ANYTHING. NOT even a FEELING OF HEAT or ANYTHING AT ALL. Is it because all the LOVE that i had for him is now gone? I could actually also say that I HAVE MORE FEELING FOR JOC RIGHT NOW than HIM. I dont know if its just because I WAS NERVOUS when we saw eachother again. and YES so was he...I also DONT know if its also because the fact that i HATED IT when i saw his ARM with HIS GIRL's name tattoed on him. It didnt HURT me at all. but it proved me that HE WILL NEVER CHANGE or NEVER WANT TO CHANGE.He would just keep on doin whatever that he NEEDS to DO. Not DOING anything that will MAKE HIM HAPPY or WANT TO DO FOR HAPPINESS. Everything that he DOES right now i sensed that all this was just for "THE RIGHT THING". i know its ok to do whats RIGHT. but theres nothing in this world that will ever make you HAPPY if you DO SOMETHING that WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY.
After not hearing from HIM since SUNDAY.I get the feeling of scared...SCARED that HE might NEVER call ever again. this is weird. i know that i shouldnt care about it. but at the same time... DO i MISS HIM? were we just NERVOUS that lead to an awful situation the last time we saw eachother? Im scared that I might NEVER hear from him again after a very long time.soo i wrote him a letter instead..
April 26, 2009
E,
This message is for you. Well I just want to tell you everything that i am feeling towards you. I am gland when i saw you. Its like I couldnt believe that I seen you again. But, also at the same time I dont know if i still feel the same way that I had for you before. Yes! i have love and cared for you deeply enough. 6 Months ago i wanted to hear everything from you what youre telling me right now. My past is hunting me. All the right words are being said at the wrong time. If i had one wish. It would be a time machine. Which will give me opportunity to turn back the time for you to meet me first instead of her. I hope the youre happy because for me im NOT happy. I dont know how much heartaches i have to get before i can finally find my happiness. Well its obvious that Its OFFICIAL that me and you will never be ever together not even a tiny chance. What gives me the reason ? I cant believe that you had your girl's name tattooed on your arm. I am hurting ;(.. NOT because me and you will never had a chance again but because i sensed that everything that youre doin is just because "ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO". Have you been doing things lately that will make you happy? I know that deep down inside youre heart you feel that youre NOT happy. you just want to BELIEVE that you and her still have the chance to work things out. Can you really fix a heart that was already once broken? Why is it that it seems so hard to get you yet youre right there. I wanna fight for you. fight for what i deserve to have. I deserve you. and you deserve so much better. Someone that will love you endlessly. I can offer you so much. But if I fight for you would it be worthy? Would i win?
xoxo,
bebesephora
xoxo-bebe-sephora-xoxo.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
♥ 4:12 PM
GREAT LOVE
update: chocolate and i are starting to talk again. i should feel like that im on the top of the world.YES! once again me and chocolate are FRIENDS. For some reason... i feel like CHOCOLATE wants to start AFFAIR NUMBER 2. Yes i admit that i have LOVED him in the PAST. Yet i also remember that ive SWORN him OFF for the past few MONTHS. This guy was the one that BROKE My heart. You know, the KIND of BREAK your HEART into TINY PIECES ran it off with the TRAIN and smashed your HEART WITH A HAMMER. Now, my question is.. DOES he ONLY want me because he ONCE again bein selfish. Wanting everything for HIMSELF. I know that i should feel bad for again entertaining him. But at the same time. Hes this guy..the GUY that i once had THE PASSIONATE LOVE. LOVE that i have NEVER felt for anybody. I CARED for him. I truly DEEPLY cared for this GUY. and i must admit that i THOUGHT i have gone totally OVER HIM. but Once we started talkin again. I felt that i still have that FEELIN...FEELIN of MISSIN talkin to someone who could understand what i WANT.I thought that he had CHANGED after all the DRAMA that we went through...but NO.. he said that HE aint HAPPY and HE feels FED up already. what is he tryin to DO to me??? NOw hes also thinkin about that he SHOULDVE CHOSEN me and had HIS FIRST BABY?? All this stuff that i wanted to hear several months ago..and now, its TOO LATE. i cant let myself go back to that feelin again. being ADDICTED TO EXQUISITE PAIN WANTING A MAN THAT IS SOO UNATTAINABLE....
CHOCO..."I always CARE and LOVE you..i MADE A MISTAKE of CHOOSING SOMEONE that IM NOT SURE IF I WOULD HAVE A FUTURE WITH. YET i DONT wanna FEEL like that im an ASS for BREAKIN THAT WOMAN's HEART. WE'VE been together for so many YEARS been THROUGH a LOT.Im just prayin that i will FIND MY HAPPINESS"
SEPHORA..." well you DO THAT!"
xoxo-bebe-sephora-xoxo.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
♥ 1:59 PM
The BEAST
I feel very MUCH ALIVE. Mr. Average and I are seein eachother for couple of time already. We actually started seein eachother more often. And i could prove myself already that im starting to really like him. Though i know that ive been really tough on him. I know i have my guards up. But i just dont wanna get hurt. And he thinks im being selfish sometimes for not givin in to him. I dont know. I really like him.hes been really nice to me, hes given me good advices, hes been there from the first time i was with CHOCO and from the time me and CHOCO broke up. I still cant tell if Mr. Average is really into me. Although yesterday was the first time he told me that HES REALLY INTO ME and that HE THINKS HE MIGHT ALSO LOVE ME. But HELLO are we doin this now? i mean we just started seeing eachother and i dont know what to say to him when he told me that. Its too fast too soon. But im also havin fun bein beside him. we adore eachother. its cool. Although we may have different points of views. but thats what i like about him. His jealousy when it comes to me. It tells me how much he really wants me.
xoxo-bebe-sephora-xoxo.
Friday, February 20, 2009
♥ 3:50 PM
The HOROSCOPE
The Bottom Line
You get a better idea of how someone feels about you. This awareness is exciting.
In Detail
You'll get a better idea of how someone truly feels about you today because they're starting to get a lot bolder in their actions! This new awareness will be a little bit confusing, but very exciting! After they have let you know what they're feeling, you need to let them know how you are feeling -- and if you're not quite sure how you feel, tell them that. Being honest is not the same as being definitive. Give yourself time to let all of this sink in.
ok i got this horoscope from friendster..and i dont know. i still dont get a better idea of how MR.AVERAGE truly feels about me. sure his actions has not gotten any bolder yet. what do i do?!?i called him last nite. and i know, i was drunk.. i told him everything i felt for him. but i still didnt get what the idea of what he feels bout me. i dont understand why he thinks that im telling LIES. i dont know when hes goin to believe me. is it because of what i did to him? i really like him. i really do. and i believe that i could fall for him now. he wanted to see me today. and i said yes. but i guess hes punishin me for what i did to him. cus now, he said hes goin to see me but NOTHIN..he hasnt called nor txt me. this is bullshit..i dont like this. ugh..i dont like throwing myself on a guy then hell just throw me like that. forget it.. whatever!!!
xoxo-bebe-sephora-xoxo.